Setting the Stage

 

This is a story about sibling rivalry and ending the cycle of abuse. Without a group discussion with guidelines and a process of cooperation amongst contracted and committed individuals, it will have to stand as one lasting perspective left to at person’s willingness to self-process.  The process of family abuse and its trauma can be like that, but it doesn't have to be....

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Approximately two weeks after my father-in-law died the group  I now call the Sibling Justice League thought that it was “just” to essentially abuse my mother-in-law into signing away her rights based on the idea that Barb was not communicating with them.  That was a false premise to run on.

The fact of the matter was Barb was communicating to her co-power of attorney at every step of the way and he was to communicate that to them because he was part of the group and she was not.  She had left the group because they wanted to continually argue for compliance from a thousand miles away.

That he did not or that he filtered it through the sibling groupthink and not as a Co-Power of attorney was, we believe, a probable cause leading to this.  That, and their frustration at their inability to bring their sister back into the crab bucket of common sibling experience and groupthink so that she would comply with their demands.

In the aftermath of all that it really gave us some time to think and to talk to other people and what we realized was that:

•        These sibling rivalry issues occur all the time, affecting families and elderly people in their time of need.
•        These issues have a root cause, probably based in childhood at the dinner table or within the family dynamic of each household. What is the foundational experience that leads to the power dynamics within the sibling group?
•        There really is no book describing this dynamic and so there are very few solutions other than preparing for it, expecting it, and providing tools and guidelines for the future.

4.      Without some outside help we can start to expect that the family may not recover from this even after the elder generation is gone unless everyone comes back to the table and asks the question “what happened?

Looking at it through Jungian group dynamics and transactional analysis we can start to look at multiple cases of this dysfunction and try to find common generality, commonality, potential causes, and possibly look towards solutions for the future.

As we said before for some of us it may be too late but if we could look at it and document it and prepare the next generation for when it's our turn to transition and what it looks like for them, then maybe we can leave them with some hope even after this personal disaster....